The Rules of The Internets
1) This is may be amended at any time. 2) You should NEVER expose your genitals without consent from the person’s eyeballs you’re damaging. We do not want penis pictures ever without asking for them. And if we’re asking for penis pictures we’re probably a dude. If you don’t know their sex, assume it’s a [...]
Christmas Cards
I didn’t want to write this post tonight, but I think I’m going to be grumpy until I get it out of my head. I want to have Christmas portraits done with the littles and I know Egg would lose his mind if he got to wear a pretty dress for it. I could probably [...]
Blondie Part Two
Part One You might be wondering why I went through the effort to deposit Blondie in my backyard. There were two reasons. One, her collar did not have a tag on it. Note to dog owners: If you are able to keep a collar on your dog, it would be a prudent idea to put [...]
Say Penis!*
Yesterday I called H1 and I didn’t throw up from anxiety. This is amazing, people. I had my super friendly voice going, and it is hard to be really nasty to super friendly voice. He was annoyed that I needed permission to take Chicken on the cruise. He was annoyed that I wanted him to [...]
*Squeeesh*
So, we know that I make up ridiculous stories all the time, right? Not here, on Sam’s Stories, but in my everyday nerdy twelve year old boy life that I live while being a thirty-seven year old woman raising three boys. In my house we have this thing, whenever someone is put down, insulted, or [...]
I’m Not Telling
Southern California is in the midst of Weather. Our annual week of Rain Like Fucking Hell and then no more rain for a year, which results in many accidents “ZOMG RAIN!!” and flooding because our ground does not absorb water. This coincided neatly with my drive to San Diego today. Luckily, I have an AWD [...]
Zoloft FAIL
So hi! What up, yo? I’m blogging from my phone tonight because I can’t be bothered to get out of my cozy bed and find my laptop. Also, Adam is snoring next to me and I think he needs a good kick. In the balls. Hang on a moment. Okay, I’m back. Apparently yanking your [...]
It’s Monday, Dumbass
Chicken’s birthday is on Monday. Several weeks ago I helped him craft an email to his father asking for an iPod Touch. He knew that it was a expensive gift, and indicated that money toward the iPod would be just as appreciated. There was no response from his father. Two weeks later, Chicken texted his [...]
I Love Doctors And Don’t You Wish You Had Balls?
Sooooo….what up? Nothing much here, just stuff…doing…the usual. Mostly trying to figure out how the bloody fucknut to write this post because OMG. I’ll start with the simply ridiculous and go progressively more difficult, okay? I found an in-network audiologist by simultaneously calling our insurance company and utilizing the search engine on the company’s website. [...]
Now I Hate My Insurance Company. Even More.
I took a xanax, hiked up my huevos and called the administrators of my insurance company. My doctor warned me that typically insurance does not cover speech therapy until a child is two years old. However, my insurance company covers speech therapy only when…. IT DOES NOT INVOLVE A DEVELOPMENTAL DELAY. So now I get [...]
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