Poop, Germs, French Fries, and Penis on The Internet
I haven’t talked about my many poop stories here lately. I’d like to say the reason is fully normal poop functioning. The better and real(er) reason is my body is a fucking asshole and I have poop issues so often you would only read poop stories if I told you about every incident. I thought [...]
Christmas Cards
I didn’t want to write this post tonight, but I think I’m going to be grumpy until I get it out of my head. I want to have Christmas portraits done with the littles and I know Egg would lose his mind if he got to wear a pretty dress for it. I could probably [...]
Draw Something Else
My sense of humor could best be described as sophomoric, ridiculous, and full of penis. I frequently make up stories, talk for animals, and call people by made up names. I call Chicken’s home hospital teacher from last semester Mr. Twinkletoes. I have no reason to call him anything but Mr. + his last name, [...]
Egg’s First Pair of Mary Janes
A few months ago I took the kids to Payless Shoes to pick up an order for Chicken. Chicken had found a pair of boots that were not available in his size at the store, but you could have them shipped to the store for free. At 15 years old, Chicken is starting to learn [...]
Say Penis!*
Yesterday I called H1 and I didn’t throw up from anxiety. This is amazing, people. I had my super friendly voice going, and it is hard to be really nasty to super friendly voice. He was annoyed that I needed permission to take Chicken on the cruise. He was annoyed that I wanted him to [...]
*Squeeesh*
So, we know that I make up ridiculous stories all the time, right? Not here, on Sam’s Stories, but in my everyday nerdy twelve year old boy life that I live while being a thirty-seven year old woman raising three boys. In my house we have this thing, whenever someone is put down, insulted, or [...]
Teenage Sex
I need some advice please. Chicken has a friend that is considering becoming sexually active with her boyfriend. Her parents aren’t comfortable talking to her about sex. She knows that she should use condoms and potentially start taking birth control. The nearest Planned Parenthood is a thirty minute drive away, and she isn’t old enough [...]
Forgiveness
When I decided to write a comprehensive post on circumcision, I did not intend to make anyone feel bad about decisions that had already been made. We all do things that we may regret, it is part of life and a huge part of parenting. I believe that no parent had chosen to circumcise their [...]
ZOMG Brain HURT
I’ve only touched on the topic of circumcision a tiny bit on Sam’s Stories, partially because it makes my head hurt. Of all the issues today that I may have an opinion about (abortion, breastfeeding, cloth vs. disposable diapers, Teh Gays, blah blah blah) it makes me the craziest. But! This isn’t going to be [...]
Lion Sex is Overrated
I went to the Wild Animal Park today with Egg and a friend. We went at the end of the day and the place was nearly deserted. I love having an annual pass. The weather was perfect, Egg was elated, and then there was the sex. The first sexual encounter occurred in the small aviary [...]
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