Quotes From Teddy Bear:
“If you give me another blow job I’ll ask you to marry me”
“If you lose weight I’ll buy you bigger diamonds for your engagement ring”
“Maybe your blow job skills are hereditary”
I think I should explain the last quote. My mother and ex-stepfather were introduced by a mutual friend. In describing my mother’s many (one) virtue to this man who was to become my step dad, the friend indicated that she could suck the chrome off a trailer hitch. Teddy Bear was aware of this bit of family lore and decided to speculate about the genetic component of blow jobs whilst in the middle of *ahem* a blow job. I coughed, choked, rolled with laughter and damn if he wasn’t lucky that I didn’t accidentally BITE the fucking thing.
For those of you that are considering calling the local womens’ shelter, do not be alarmed. I enjoy the loving banter that Teddy Bear and I share. You must realize that I call Ewe Girl “Scrote” in real life. So much so that sometimes I don’t realize who is listening and then I hear an elderly lady gasp and remember that most people would consider “Scrote” a bad thing to call a female. Or anyone. My mother is horrified when she hears me talk. Actually my mother is just horrified in general when it comes to me and mine. Ah, fuck her. Or better yet, ask her for a blow job. I hear she can suck chrome off a trailer hitch.
In the world of the Chicken, my boy made me proud today. Prouder than usual I am indeed. Today was Thanksgiving dinner for lunch at his school cafeteria and before my precious boy could get his tasty turkey, mashed potatoes and gravy the school ran out. Now, you don’t mess with Chicken when it comes to mashed potatoes and gravy. You stand the fuck back and just watch the carnage. My boy was pissed. Then they tried to give him yogurt and a BEAN burrito instead. The Chicken does not consume refried beans or baked beans or garbanzo beans or pinto beans or anything bean-like excepting the great and fabulous GREEN bean. Otherwise, just shut the fuck up. Me? I’m a bean slut. But not my son. Oh no!
After school Chicken marched into the school office and spoke with the receptionist/nurse person and complained about the fact that ONE QUARTER of the 5th graders did not receive the promised glories of a cafeteria Thanksgiving meal. His next step was to write a letter to the school district food board signed by all the fifth graders, however that plan was not needed. An hour after his complaint, Chicken was summoned to the Principal’s office amidst a chorus of “Ooohhh you’re in trouble” from his peers. Chicken stood before the Principal and the school secretary and was informed that the district food service would be providing EVERY child that missed out on Thanksgiving lunch the meal the following day. My child stood up to the MAN and fucking won. Don’t fuck with a Chicken’s right to mashed potatoes and gravy.