I was visiting Virginia Belle (in the blogland sense) and noticed that she has some OCD issues with bathing products and germs. Here’s the post if you’d like to take a look. I personally wish I never fucking read it, because now I will think about the things she said when I’m in the shower. And I don’t need any more neurosis. No more needed here please and thank you.
I’m stuck on the shitter AGAIN, so I thought I’d amuse/bore you with a few of my peculiarities. I could be reading or flossing or saving the world, but no. I’d rather blog while I’m working on a project of epic poo-portions. And yeah, I just made that word up. Suck it.
In no particular order, The Way Things Have To Be by Sam:
- No food or drink shall enter the bathroom. If it does, it is tainted by poo and filth and shall be thrown away.
- Thou shalt not fill up the kitchen/bathroom/any sink and wash things in it. Don’t you know it is DIRTY?!
- Thou shall keep the dish soap dispenser top clean. You’ve all seen the typical dish soap dispenser, encrusted with soap ooze. It gives me the willies. And not the good kind of willie that you get in the sack. No. The bad willie. The one that tries to go in the back door, if you know what I mean.H2 and I had some issues with this (the soap, not the back door you perv), because I would clean and close it after every use, and he thought popping up the top to use it made it dirty and therefore unusable. (Who’s OCD? Yeah, I thought so!) So I bought a pump dispenser and ta-DA! Marital harmony in the kitchen. Which, unfortunately did not fill the rest of the house.
- Thou must wash/scrub/sanitize the bathtub before taking a bath. Also, thou must take a shower to get the poo particles off of thy body before taking a bath. (You do not need to scrub the tub again after showering. I trust you.)
- Thou must dry off with the toilet seat CLOSED if you are in close proximity to the toilet. What would happen if your towel TOUCHED the toilet seat or OMG got toilet WATER on it while you were drying? The world would end, that is what would happen.
- Hand sanitizer is a myth. A crock. A lie. I do not believe in it at all. I’m sure it gets your hands sanitized, but clean? Nope. Not clean.
- Washclothes? Ha! Full of disease and dismay, sure to cause birth defects and plummeting IQ’s.
- Dusty/greasy/food particles/imaginary germy hands = dirty and must be washed. Dirty hands (from working on a car or actual dirt) = not dirty.
- Walking outside with bare feet is totally fine. Walking inside with bare feet and unclean floor surfaces is horrifying.
- Cat pawing my face after taking a nasty shit is just fine. Cat paw SMELLING like perfume hell cat litter which reminds me of what the cat just dropped off into the litter box? Not fine.
Well folks, I’m done with part A of my long night of shitting. I suspect that I’ll be back there soon enough, though. I hope you enjoy my insanity. I do.