Flying Squirrel or Unkempt Lady Bits?
This is just a quickie (written after taking my night-time meds so beware) to prove that I am still alive and mostly well. Normally, Adam* comes home after work quite smelly in that manly, been outside and sweated way. So he grabs Egg up and they take a bath/shower together. Our master shower is attached to the master bathtub by a glass wall, so you can shower alone while supervising the bathing of another. One day I took on this task and Egg was rather surprised by the unkempt hedges of my nethers. He stared at my bush, people. Like, I was uncomfortable by the staring. Egg was so shocked by my twatapotomus that he signed “plane” and made the car motor noise.
He wasn’t trying to say that my Lady Bits are loud, fly around the room, or emit toxic fumes. He was saying that it looked like his flying squirrel puppet that we bought him at Renaissance Faire. Adam and Egg made up their own sign + sound for the squirrel. The sign for plane is to hold your fingers in the “I love you” position, (thumb, first, and pinky fingers out) and make a short, back and forth flying motion. The added noise differentiates the sign from just a regular flying airplane in our house. Which is a long way to say, “Shave that shit, mama. You’re scaring the children.”
*Yes, I changed TB’s name to the super original “Adam” because man, I’m tired of typing TB. All the shift button work. Fuck THAT. His name is Adam. Deal with it.
PS I will go back through the archives one day and maybe change all the TB’s to Adam. Maybe. And in case you are thinking, “Fuck you, my [relationship here]‘s name is Adam and you can’t pick it as your imaginary name for your husband.” In which case I say “Fuck you, too. With a red sock on your left foot”
PPS Because his name is Adam. Seriously. If you don’t like it, take that shit up with my MIL.
PPPS Don’t get me started. I will turn this car around and start calling Chicken and Egg their proper Christian names as well. So FUCKING THERE.
PPPPS Not that they are proper Christian children. Just that their names could be considered as such. And four “posts” in a post script is excessive under any medicational influences. But looky! I just made up a word and possibly a phrase. “Medicational influences” is awesome. Good night. Er…morning.
lmao over here… Well dammit woman get thee selves a hedge trimmer ehh hair trimmer, to at least shorten up the hair length. I’m personally more of a shave it all off, let it grow back for a few days kinda gal. I like the smoothness during S.E.X. and easy clean up during That time of the month.and since I now have personal experience in this field: I rather eat out a shaven or neatly trimmed pussy than a hairy one. I hate it if a guy is hairy in his nether regions as well (ugh who likes hair in their mounth) but ya know, whatever works for ya At least you won’t have to deal with an itchy post-shave pussy lol
+1
Hilarious! & how did I get so far behind in my blog-reading?!?
I embarrassed my child at the waterpark last week – new swimsuit, failed to check my “sideburns” which may have scarred Z in the presence of his friends for life
I just laughed – until DH complains I’ve got much better things to do w/my time than waste it on shaving…
Soooo, I was just thinking that I hadn’t heard from you in a while, and now I see you have totally been posting ALL THE TIME. Fuck you, bloglines. Fuck. You.
Also, sorry I haven’t been around. I would have been if I had gotten the freaking memo (F.U., Bloglines)
Dude,
I always shower w my twins and I used to turn around to do my bikini line but since they started poitning out Mamas fan-fan to strangers in the supermarket nowadays I figure that ship has already sailed,
g
Best..post..evar.
LOL. Funny. You’ll have to tell him all about what he “said” someday. Like maybe when he’s a teenager and has a girl over.
You are hilarious when medicated. And when not medicated.
and what is wrong with the name Adam? Nothing! Mighty fine name. All your men have nice good classic names. #score
lmao over here… Well dammit woman get thee selves a hedge trimmer ehh hair trimmer, to at least shorten up the hair length. I’m personally more of a shave it all off, let it grow back for a few days kinda gal. I like the smoothness during S.E.X. and easy clean up during That time of the month.
At least you won’t have to deal with an itchy post-shave pussy lol
and since I now have personal experience in this field: I rather eat out a shaven or neatly trimmed pussy than a hairy one. I hate it if a guy is hairy in his nether regions as well (ugh who likes hair in their mounth) but ya know, whatever works for ya
Shave that squirrel bush, mama! Awesome
@Laura: HAHAHAHA!!!
Love this post, hun.
peace…
I love your postscripts, the end, and I am pretty sure it’s not just the wine talking.
this is kinda the most awesome post evar.
and seriously, at least he didn’t end up with the middle name scott, because apparently it was on the table… (think about the initials…)