Well, actually my name is Kirsten. It is pronounced K-ear-sten, not K-ur-sten, so please do not fuck it up. In fact, if you think you are going to fuck it up, then call me Sam. I have been answering to this nickname since my twelfth grade math teacher bestowed it upon me. Almost every day someone fucks up my name. So when I make reservations, order take-out, or write on the innernets, I tell them my name is Sam. It makes me happy because no one screws up Sam. No one. Don’t be a hero, just call me Sam.